3 Seneca Quotes That Help Me Deal With Difficult People
How ancient stoic wisdom can get you through the worst of interpersonal relationships
I’ll be honest — sometimes I’m a terrible person to try and get along with. There’s something about the way I am that makes me very disagreeable at times, a fact I spend much of my mental energy trying to overcome.
All of this gets even worse when I’m around someone who’s generally deemed another disagreeable person. All of my manners, restraint, and emotional regulation go out the window.
Thankfully, there’s a whole sect of philosophy dedicated to helping people get through any and all situations — and Seneca offers some meaningful insight into this area.
“All cruelty springs from weakness.”
People lash out, say hurtful things, and attempt to scrappily climb. their way to the top when they feel beaten down.
I have seen this time and time again in my own life when I’ve watched someone, sometimes literally across the table from me, verbally assault someone — whether intentionally or unintentionally, simply because they feel weak.
Oftentimes this isn’t even the fault of those in the room with that particularly cruel individual. They’ve just undergone some series of circumstances that have left them feeling less than, and they’ll take it out on people in any way they can.
While sometimes their behavior simply isn’t excusable, at least it’s explainable under the guidelines of this wise Seneca saying.
“It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.”
I am poor not because of some objective reality about my resources, income, or the number of dollars in my savings account, but because of the expectations I have for myself.
If my goal is to have a fulfilling relationship, great friends, meaningful connection and participation with and in my family, a career I believe in and love, and personal projects that fulfill me and a few great items to call my own, then I’m one of the wealthiest people I know.
If my dream is to own a luxury vehicle, be completely financially independent at the age of twenty-one, and have all the highest-end items in every category, then I am both poor and probably misguided in my life goals.
Because do I really want those things?
Difficult people in our lives often try and convince us that we want things that we don’t. Maybe we want to show them up and prove them wrong, or make some case for why we’re right, better, superior, etc. But we can decide within ourselves what we want, and we will be wealthy in our own regard — able to withstand the expectations of anyone else.
“Life is like a play: it’s not the length, but the excellence of the acting that matters.”
However long I get to live is long enough. This is a saying that’s become so crucial to my mindset about life and approach to it that I’ve decided to include it amongst my affirmations.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what difficult people I encounter or what challenges I face. I want to live every day in a way, maybe not if it was my last day, but in a way that I’d be okay if it was.
I don’t have time to let difficult people get in my way or prevent me from experiencing joy, going after goals, and being the best “actor” I can be in this life.
There will always be people getting in your way and on your nerves. The key is not giving them the power to ruin your day, realizing where they’re coming from, and remembering what you care about and what matters to you.
Best of luck!
