3 Action Steps To Take When you Don’t Know What’s Next
How to wrestle with uncertainty and roll with the punches when figuring out your next steps
Sometimes, life is hard. No one gives us a handbook. No one tells us what we’re supposed to do, how to do it, or what to do and where to turn when the going gets tough. It’s normal for human beings to experience a lot of shame about this, also.
Doesn’t everyone else know what they’re doing?
I’ll give you a hint, they usually don’t — and it makes sense that we’d get stuck from time to time, especially the more innovative, imaginative, and groundbreaking our actions, plans, and goals are.
If you find yourself getting stuck with no idea of where to turn, I’d recommend the following to you as you figure out your next steps:
#1: If you can, just keep going
I’m sure this seems like a cop out answer, but bear with me. Oftentimes when we’re not sure what to do, it’s easy for us to check out of the process. Our perfectionistic parts take over ourselves and we’re left with paralyzing anxiety about how we’re doing everything wrong.
We get terrified of ending up somewhere we shouldn’t, or burning in on our journeys to destinations we’ve lost sight of.
Self-trust is an important thing that one should have with themselves, something they should be growing as they try to engage more meaningfully in the world. Maybe you’re not the most reliable or consistent person — but hopefully you have at least a few values you’re trying to live your life by.
“Don’t let the darkness of your circumstances or the surprises you encounter distract you from your destination. Level the wings, climb a little higher, look for the glow of home, then aim for it.” — Bob Goff
You have to believe that where you’re going exists. As long as you do, you’ll have enough perspective to not panic and to keep on keeping on, as they say.
Even in the face of malfunctioning or nonexistent instruments and an unclear picture of where you are, you can trust that you’re headed in generally the right direction, and soon there will be something to help you make your next decision.
Oftentimes we jump, in times of lacking clarity, to the need for certainty.
In his book The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires Our Trust More Than Our “Correct” Beliefs, theologian Pete Enns talks about how oftentimes our white knuckled need for certainty and correct thinking prevents us from seeing the beauty and goodness that’s right in front of us.
“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” ― Francis Bacon, The Oxford Francis Bacon IV: The Advancement of Learning
While he writes about this from a faith perspective, I think this applies to our entire lives, beyond our thinking about a supreme spiritual being.
Spending all of our time policing our mind for instances of questions or errors doesn’t make us safer — it just has the potential to make us more sure of the wrong ideas. Anxiety can be helpful, but so often it sounds alarms where there needn’t be alarms.
Sure, not knowing what you’re doing or feeling out of place is uncomfortable and certainly not preferable to certainty about where you’re at. But just because something feels a little off doesn’t mean you need to stop, drop and roll or quit altogether.
Maybe you just need to stick it out a little bit longer for some answers, some clarity, or some peace about your next steps.
At the end of the day, you don’t need as much information as you think you do, and you probably don’t need to change course as drastically as you want to.
#2: Do the next right thing
When you don’t know what to do, maybe narrow your scope a little bit.
Oftentimes, when I’m anxious and fearful about the future, I find myself looking far off in the distance, planning things at a range I can barely wrap my brain around.
My thought process is, the more detailed my plan and strategy, the more prepared I am to handle a problem. However, that’s rarely the case.
“Traveler, there is no path. The path must be forged as you walk.” — Antonio Machado
I am not better prepared just because I have a plan. That’s simply the product of my fearful, anxious and perfectionistic parts trying to control the future and prevent any harm to myself, which is impossible to prevent overall.
At the end of the day, when you are in the trenches and don’t know whatyour next move is, just pick one thing. Pick one thing that you can do. Maybe it’s phoning a friend or mentor for help, Googling something, gathering more information or simply stepping away from the problem for a break.
Maybe you just need to eat a snack and get some coffee.
Whatever you do, just do one thing.
This will often give you enough space, clarity, help and anxiety reduction to let you see clearly what your next and next and next right things can be. It’s like the ancient Chinese proverb says:
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.
Just take one step, and then another, and then another, figuring it out one section at a time. No need to worry about the rest, because “you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.” (I really am digging all of these walking metaphors…)
#3: Get vulnerable
People who are afraid of failure rarely do anything interesting — or incredibly helpful. Don’t be one of those people.
Don’t let fear call the shots in your life. You will mess up from time to time — and that’s totally okay. It’s better than staying in a place where you’re not fulfilled, where you’re finding no joy, or where you’re sticking with something that isn’t worth sticking with in the face of something better.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” — Brene Brown
If no one has an answer for you, find your own, or create your own.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt, Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
“So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat”
That’s probably the number one quote that I return to time and time again that never fails to give me chills.
When we don’t know what to do, we have to be vulnerable enough to be okay with being beaten up. Sometimes, you will make the wrong call, but that’s better than having never made any call at all.
People who avoid failure are not brave — they’re the opposite, cowards who don’t stand for anything.
Be vulnerable enough to risk failure and falling flat on your face in front of other people as you navigate what to do next. That’s how you get out of a rut, and of the trap that is not knowing what to do or where to turn.
Keep doing it, over and over again, until you gain momentum and discover, through much beautiful trial and error, the path that you’re supposed to be on.
Uncertainty is a normal and natural part of life — and you’re not the first one to be stuck in it. It’s ever so common and the usual experience of humans to find themselves in scenarios where you don’t know what to do.
Just think, most of these scenarios are quite literally those which you, nor any human have ever specifically gone through before. No wonder it feels like you’re making it up as you go…that’s exactly what you have the privilege of doing.
Uncertainty is the breeding ground of innovation, fun, and a life well lived.
I implore you, get creative — be excited about the problems you get to solve and the unique life you get to live. Everything will be okay.
You’ve got this.
